The Marlow Market - will it turn into the old Crown?

Like all new management regimes that come into force from time to time they tend to start off with big ideas in order to have the 'new broom sweeps clean' mentality with the inevitable failure in the short term further down the line and everything reverts back to its previous status quo seemingly as some sort of bigger natural order thing in this world.

This appears to be what has happened to our beloved Crown pub at the top of Marlow High Street.

Last Christmas they tried to implement a new 'customer' policy even before the refurbishment took place - they banned me and my mates on a Friday because we were over 40. The excuse they gave was that they didn't want to have any more groups of blokes. We were dumbfounded.

We found out the real 'ageist' reason by security staff who we knew rather well. The pub remained empty every weekend for a whole 6 weeks during Christmas - that was a great business decision by the new management wasn't it?

Well then came the reopening & the 'members club'. We all fell about laughing at the requirements (personal interview with 'B' & forking out £100 membership fee if you pass the interview - is this a joke? - its a ruddy pub for Christ's sake).

So we stayed away & just watched as the pub remained empty every weekend - I deliberately flashed my wallet to the doormen as a joke as we passed by taking our money to the Lion for the late licensee.

Well then came the name change - The market! Who dreamt up that idea?? To anybody who has enjoyed the Crown it will always be the Crown to real Marlow people. You just can't sweep away decades of pub or a buildings history with a simple name change.

Anyway, guess what....we are back in as a group of blokes, casual clothing and shoes and FREE access to the first floor club room.I sn't it amazing how slow the penny can drop for these outside managers to realise that not every pub can turn itself into the money tree of the Claytons Lounge which is pretty unique.

The clientelel are different I must admit - more outsiders from Slough,Wycombee & Maidenhead which is a shame so we only stay for an hour to oggle at the strange fashions and silly scruffy look hair cuts (it takes that long for the inexperienced and slow bar staff to find you in the shallow queue).

Anyway, its well off its original concept of 'select clientel' willing to pay over the odds & happy to be treated like turd on a shoe by management.

BUT.....will it ever get back to the young brash in your face and on the edge type of pub that the Crown was? Not while the real Marlovians now have a fantastic choice of alternatives such as the Lion & the Cross Keys.

If you want to see & pass time with real Marlow characters then these two pubs are the place to be for the late licenses - not the Market. I think the Crown will regain its crown one day but only when the current landlord or management fail to reinvest in the place so it starts looking tatty & have gone bust or sold on ready for the next eager landlord or manager with big ideas to fall in line.

Come back Colin - that's what I say.

Have you seen Marlows Stepford families?

You often spot things in life because they are unusual. In this instance I have spotted something that is very strange in Marlow because it appears to be the norm which it shouldn't be. Confused?......I am to...let me explain....

Have you ever waited for your child at the school gates? Have you ever taken a walk past the play area in Higgonson Park? If you are a people watcher what have you noticed.

The majority of parents with young families are old!!! Well not decrepit but in their late thirties or forties.

I used to think that this was mainly the 'second time around' fathers starting over with a new young thing (usually the secretary) but I cant remember when I last saw a real twenty year old mum who wasn't a bloomin nanny for these well to does.

Now I am not saying that this older or delayed parenting is wrong BUT nationwide it is still not the norm but in Marlow 80% of the parents appear to be wrinklies (including myself by the way).

However, these are not your 'Colditz estate' dysfunctional families one sees on wife swap but more of your monied or big mortgaged 'West Marlowvians' who can afford to do this.

So, do you agree that Marlow has the 'Stepford Wives' type of families? Those of you that are observant or are even one of these older parents must surely agree. Those that do not......I dare you to take a straw pole at your next school collection or open day.

Why do you think Marlow has more than its fare share of older parents?

Marlow women with tattoos - what does it mean?

During the summer especially in Marlows pubs there are numerous women and girls with tattoos - what is it all about then?

The tattoos look like deformed animals to Chinese writing all usually within the same locations - shoulder blade, top of arm or at the base of the back. Some are on their tummies that look like soup spoons.

What is this phenomenon? Surely it cant be anything to do with them trying to be fashionable or being an 'individual' as those that are at the leading edge of these life skill technologies would never be seen following the herd like this would they? (come back hot pants and tank tops - all is foregiven).

Am I the only one that has seen the movie 'Blade' where people wear a tattoo as a bar code marker to set their ownership to some other blood sucking vampire alien..... I don't know.....Perhaps this analogy is perhaps not to wide of the mark when you think about looking at some of 'Stacey' and 'Sharon' reptiles that tend to show off these skin markings with pride while others really are pretty young and educated things indeed.

The only conclusion that I can come to as to why so many females are having graffiti symbols welded to their skin is that it is in fact a brand new sort of body bar code for the pub & club going males. If you stare at one long enough after 8 pints of lager they turn into a blip-vert (hazey advertisement) that suddenly says 'easy shag'.

Try it while your waiting to be served at the 'Market' (old Crown) or the Claytons lounge on a Friday night where you will see the more prune wrinkled type of bar codes displayed on the more mature ladies. For the more fresh faced bar codes plenty can be viewed at the Cross keys or the Lion.

Just think how many bar coded grannies will be running around in 20 years time...........oohhh....eerr - where's my chunder bucket!

Welcome To The Funny Side of Marlows People

Welcome to our blog that seeks to exploit & expose the cynical side of Marlows people.

There is nothing as funny as folk and Marlow seems to have more than its fare share of people with strange ideas, odd fashions, pompous attitudes etc.

So, if you are a people watcher & want to expose & poke fun at some of these features within Marlows people in general & the things they do then you have come to the right place.

Simply sign up to our blog to become an author (by sending me an email) and start posting your own humorous observations. Alternatively you are free to comment on other authors observations with your own witty, satirical or cynical responses.

We do have some rules though.....

1. All posts must contain a satirical or cynical element that is based on your own observations that is aimed at making others think with a smile.

2. Be humorous with an edge!

3. Do not be malicious to a specific person or business - any posts of this nature will be removed and you will be banned from placing an future observations. Be general!

If you are a reader or admirer of 'Private Eye' magazine then you will know the sort of angle we are seeking from our authors. Marlow is a treasure pit of people just waiting for the observant creative satirical author.

It is anticipated that all our authors will be residents of Marlow itself willing to poke fun at themselves as well. Alternatively you may just be a visitor to our town. Either way, if you have a witty comment based on your own observation then get it posted for others to consider.